On Being A Small Group Leader

The End Of A Group

We met for the last time last night. After roughly two years, our small group appears to be finished. We had a great time last night, eating too much and laughing and talking. The Smiths brought their new baby, and he was the star attraction, of course. Mark couldn’t be with us, but when the Air Force tells you to go to Guam, one merely may ask when the jet leaves.

We talked a couple of times yesterday about how we evaluate our time together. There were some real victories. We saw answered prayers for jobs and good health. We shared burdens for non-Christian friends and family and co-workers. We reached a good level of intimacy, so we became more than a collection of strangers. We worked our way through the Book of Romans, which I thought was an excellent study time and a time of sustained growth and community development for our group. We finished up with Philippians, which was another interesting and challenging study.

I think friendships were both formed and strengthened. We have more friends now than we had before. In fact, last weekend we went to a couple of baseball games, and a different couple went with us each night. That’s really something for us, because we seldom seem to have people to do things with. Lots of good things happened.

As always, as the leader I have regrets. I made my share of mistakes. There were times I didn’t trust my own judgment, and it hurt the group. I also thought our group had the wherewithal to go where few groups go in terms of intimacy and community, but that was a misread on my part. I tried to force that on the group, and people weren’t ready for it. That created some conflict that set me reeling for several weeks. It was a great learning experience, although a dark valley at the time.

I also learned a lot about myself as a leader. I think I reinforced the belief that small group leadership is my “calling” (although I’m sure I believe in such a concept). I found that I could take some chances -- some that worked, some that didn’t. However, we had a gracious group that put up with forays into creative ways to communicate a message. I also have a gracious God who I believe smiled at my attempts to please Him.

I also learned that my desires for small groups are changing. I want something messier. I want a place where the tangles of life come apart, and get put back together in community. I want a place where people wonder if God really exists -- and others who are joyfully convinced He not only exists, but also loves us. I want a place where big questions get asked -- and take weeks, or months, to begin to find resolution. I made every attempt to be “real” (whatever that pretentious word means), but who knows if I was? No one really probed to find out … and I wish they would have. I heard others speak in Christian-speak and spiritual clichés -- and I realized that if they were telling the truth about their own lives, I was by far the worst Christian in the group. I wish my leadership skills had allowed me to unpack those discussions, but there seemed to be walls from time to time that I didn’t know how to break down.

Still, it was a good experience. How many things in life ever really live up to your dreams? Outside of my marriage (which has exceeded my wildest dreams), nothing does. You always hope for your dreams, and work toward your dreams … but learn to accept that sovereignty holds sway over human effort.

God gave me this group, and now it’s time I give it up. I’m at ease with that, even as I experience the loss a leader feels when “the flock” scatters. Sovereignty is real, and it’s comforting.

posted by Matt @ 11:58 AM